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What did St Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?'

"Are you all, all right in the back there?" What have Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII got in common?

They both have the same middle name.

Two parrots are sitting on a perch and one says to the other, "Can you smell fish?" A wig and a turd walk into a pub. "Can I have two pints please?" The wig says. "I’m not serving you any drink." the barman replies. "Why not?" The wig asks. "Because you're off your head," the barman says, "and your friend's steaming."

A dog walked into a Wild West saloon with one of its feet bandaged, and six guns strapped to each back leg. ‘What do you want?’ asked a cowboy.

The dog replies :I’m looking for the man who shot m’paw.’ What wears a hat and pants?

A well-dressed dog.

What’s pink and hangs out your pants?

Your Mum. Mick and Murphy were passing the employment exchange when they saw a sign outside saying:

TREE FELLERS WANTED.

‘What a shame,’ said Mick to Murphy. ‘There are only two of us.’

...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Irwin?!" A Mexican, Polack, black, Italian, a priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Prof. Prune: ‘I swallowed some uranium.’

Prof. Plum: ‘What happened?’

Prof Prune: ‘I got atomic ache!’ Two caterpillars were sitting on a cabbage leaf when a butterfly flew by. One caterpillar said to the other caterpillar:

‘They’ll never get me up in one of those things!’

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Little Johnny: I hope you didn't either. Little Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.

Little Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.

"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." Q.How do you make holy water?
A.Boil the Hell out of it.

What are hippies for?

To hang your leggies on. A man walks into a pub with a lump of tarmac under his arms. "A pint please, landlord, "he says, "and one for the road.

Waiter: ‘How did you find the steak,sir?’

Diner: ‘I lifted up a mushroom, and there it was!’ Why wouldn’t the Scotsman allow his daughter to get married?

Because he’d have to give her away.

BACK to Jokes menu

What did St Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?' "Are you all, all right in the back there?"	What have Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII got in common? They both have the same middle name.
Two parrots are sitting on a perch and one says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"	A wig and a turd walk into a pub. "Can I have two pints please?" The wig says. "I’m not serving you any drink." the barman replies. "Why not?" The wig asks. "Because you're off your head," the barman says, "and your friend's steaming."
A dog walked into a Wild West saloon with one of its feet bandaged, and six guns strapped to each back leg. ‘What do you want?’ asked a cowboy. The dog replies :I’m looking for the man who shot m’paw.’	What wears a hat and pants? A well-dressed dog.
What’s pink and hangs out your pants? Your Mum.	Mick and Murphy were passing the employment exchange when they saw a sign outside saying: TREE FELLERS WANTED. ‘What a shame,’ said Mick to Murphy. ‘There are only two of us.’
...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Irwin?!"	A Mexican, Polack, black, Italian, a priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
Prof. Prune: ‘I swallowed some uranium.’ Prof. Plum: ‘What happened?’ Prof Prune: ‘I got atomic ache!’	Two caterpillars were sitting on a cabbage leaf when a butterfly flew by. One caterpillar said to the other caterpillar: ‘They’ll never get me up in one of those things!’
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. Little Johnny: I hope you didn't either.	Little Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not. Little Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the clerk replied. "That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."	Q.How do you make holy water? A.Boil the Hell out of it.
What are hippies for? To hang your leggies on.	A man walks into a pub with a lump of tarmac under his arms. "A pint please, landlord, "he says, "and one for the road.
Waiter: ‘How did you find the steak,sir?’ Diner: ‘I lifted up a mushroom, and there it was!’	Why wouldn’t the Scotsman allow his daughter to get married? Because he’d have to give her away.