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Real Warning Labels
On a cardboard windshield sun shade:
"Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in
Place"

-On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a
home pregnancy test.

-On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a
flotation device.

-On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool
before applying to groin area.

-On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.

-On a disposable razor: Do not use this product
during an earthquake.

On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out
with bath water.

-On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat
lozenges: Not meant as a substitute for human
companionship.

-On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a
nutcracker.

-On pantyhose: Not to be used in the
commission of a felony.

-On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.

-On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for
breast augmentation.

-On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits
errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-
shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of
$4.97.

-On work gloves: For best results, do not leave
at crime scene.

-On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand
palms.

-On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for
reference only. No meteorological warranties
express or implied.

-On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.

-On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.

-On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause
vomiting.

-On a revolving door: Passenger compartments
for individual use only.

-On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less
alarming than they appear.

-On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be
used to construct words, phrases and sentences
that may be deemed offensive.