Sign In Sign-Up

"When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped."
- Marcel Achard

"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by."
- Douglas Adams

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
- Douglas Adams

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
- Douglas Adams

"If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done."
- Scott Adams

"Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

"The shortest distance between two points is always under construction."
- Noelie Alite

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
- Fred Allen

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart."
- Fred Allen

"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?"
- Woody Allen

"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."
- Woody Allen

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
- Woody Allen

"Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered?"
- Woody Allen

"What if we are all victims of a mass delusion and nothing exists? In that case I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
-Woody Allen

"There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network."
- Guy Almes

"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."
- Jeremy S. Anderson

"I am diagonally parked in a paralell universe"
- Ano

"The Problem with Reality is the lack of background music"
- Anonymous

"The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but you still have to mow it."
- Anonymous

"A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats."
- Anonymous

"Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years."
- Anonymous

"If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it."
- Anonymous

"An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don't win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd's attention."
- Anonymous

"Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates..."
- Anonymous

"Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers."
- Anonymous

"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar."
- Anonymous

"Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item."
- Anonymous

"Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter."
- Anonymous

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
- Anonymous

"Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
- Anonymous

"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done."
- Anonymous

"The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one."
- Anonymous

"I don't know exactly what democracy is. But we need more of it."
- Anonymous Chinese Student, during protests in Tianamen Square, Beijing, 1989
"Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way."
- Anonymous

"Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet."
- Anonymous

"He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous

"This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation."
- Anonymous

"Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases."
- Anonymous

"Whenever you eliminate the inedible, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be food."
- Anonymous

"Where am I going? And why am I in this HANDBASKET?"
- Anonymous

"We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and what a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while actually producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization."
- Petronius Arbiter, 210 B.C.

"My good intentions are completely lethal."
- Margaret Atwood