S

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
- Charles Schultz
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist---"
- John B. Sedgwick, general, dying words, 1864
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- Seen in a .signature file
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. "
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"There's too much blood in my caffeine system."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"If God had meant us to vote, He would have given us candidates."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter."
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"Drive it like you stole it"
- Seen on a bumper sticker
"Men. You can't live with them. You don't have to."
- Seen on a t-shirt
"Love and stoplights can be cruel."
-Sesame Street, U.S. children's television show
"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."
- George Bernard Shaw
"If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?"
- Harry Shearer
"If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English."
- Wilfred Sheed
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." - Jimmy Shubert
"I cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that."
- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic
"The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper."
- Smith & Jones
"Talk is cheap. But if it keeps your stomach full and your grave empty, it's worth more than gold"
-Mike Smith
"If unix is the face of the future I wanna go back to quill pens."
- Joseph Snipp
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher."
- Socrates
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."
- Gene Spafford
"One death is a tragedy. One thousand deaths is a statistic."
- Joseph Stalin
"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
- Gloria Steinem
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
- Adlai Stevenson
"The Saint's are the sinners that keep on trying."
- Robert Louis Stevenson
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
- August Strindberg
"Ninety percent of everything is crap."
- Theodore Sturgeon




T

"Church is only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members."
- William Temple
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
- Hunter S. Thompson
"I hate women because they always know where things are."
- James Thurber
"God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her."
- Benjamin Tillett
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
- Lily Tomlin
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
- Calvin Trillin
"If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?"
- Calvin Trillin
"There is nothing that can be said by mathematical symbols and relations which cannot also be said by words. The converse, however, is false. Much that can be and is said by words cannot successfully be put into equations, because it is nonsense."
- C. Truesdell
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
- Harry S. Truman
"Wherever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship."
- Harry S. Truman
"The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten."
- Mark Twain
"I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces."
- Mark Twain
"Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
- Mark Twain
"The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten."
- Mark Twain




U

"If at first you don't succeed, don't take any more stupid chances."
- Unknown
"A child prodigy is one with highly imaginative parents."
- Unknown
"The greener grass on the other side is probably artificial turf."
- Unknown
"The sun never sets on the British empire because Britain is in the east and the sun sets in the west."
- Unknown history student