Page 2

Lilian Gish Fish Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.
Linen Draper Paper (newspaper) Has the morning linen come yet?
Lionel Blaire Flares (wide bottom trousers) Got on his best lionels for the evening.
Lion's Lair Chair Have a lion's while you wait.
Loaf of Bread Head Don't just stand there - use your loaf.
Loop de Loop Soup Nothing like a good loop on a cold day.
Louise Wener Tenner (10 pound note) 'ere, lend us a louise. [Louise Wener is a singer with the band Sleeper - thanks to Richard English]
Love and Kisses Missus (Mrs) Where did your love and kisses go?
Lucy Locket Pocket Keep it in your Lucy.
Manhole Cover Brother My manhole cover is coming for a visit. [How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!]
Merchant Banker Wanker He's a right merchant
Mickey Duff Puff (marijuana) Here, mate. Got any Mickey?
Mickey Mouse House I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. [Usually means a theatre rather than a residence]
Mince Pies Eyes She got beatiful minces.
Mork and Mindy Windy Cor, it's bloody mork today [shows you that the slang is constantly evolving ]
Mother Hubbard Cupboard There's nothing in the mother.
Mother's Ruin Gin Another mothers would sit well.
Mrs. Chant Aunt He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas
Mum and Dad Mad He's a bit mum and dad.
Mutt and Jeff Deaf Poor buggers mutt and jeff. [Usually full slang expression is used. Keith Turner reports that very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton".]
Nanny Goat Boat I took my nanny out on the river.
Nanny Goat Coat Put your nannies on - it's taters out.
Near and Far Bar (pub) I saw him at the near.
Needle and Pin Gin I'll have a small needle and tonic.
Nelson Eddy's Readies (pound notes) 'e's got a pile of nelsons! [Thanks to Julia Jones]
Nelson Mandelas Beers (Stellas) A couple of nelsons please [Thanks to Alan Little]
Newington Butts Guts (stomach) My newingtons are giving me some gyp today. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell - Newington Butts is in an area of London (SE1?) commonly known as The Elephant and Castle]
Niagara Falls Balls (testicles) I got him in his niagara
Noah's Ark Park I'm taking my misses to the Noah.
Nobby Stiles Piles (hemorrhoids) Me nobbies are acting up again [Nobby Stiles was a great footballer from years gone by - Thanks to David Hughes]
North and South Mouth I gave him a punch up the north.
Nuclear Sub Pub I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock [Thanks to Robert Lynch]
Oily Rag Fag (cigarette) Give us an oily. [Thanks to David Hughes]
Oliver Twist Fist Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.
Oliver Twist Pissed (drunk) I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
One and t'other Brother 'ere's me one and t'other now. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Orange Peel Feel I fancy an orange of her Bristols! [Thanks to Chris Webb)
Orchestra Stalls Balls (testicles) He nearly got hit in the orchestra [Thanks to Alan Little]
Oxford Scholar Dollar Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. [Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown - thanks to Jim Williams]
Pat Malone Alone I'm all pat tonight. [Thanks to Alan Little]
Pear Halved Starved "Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear." [Thanks to Richard English]
Peas in a Pot Hot Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.
Peckham Rye Tie I'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Peddle and Crank Wank (masturbate) I'm off for a peddle! [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]
Pen and Ink Stink That's a bit of a pen and ink.
Pete Tong Wrong It's all gone a bit Pete [Pete Tong is an English DJ - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
Piccadilly Silly I've always said he was piccadilly [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Pig's Ear Beer Can I buy you a pig?
Pimple and Botch Scotch He enjoys a good pimple.
Half Inch Pinch (steal) Someone's half-inched me pint! [Thanks to Mark Schofield]
Pitch and Toss Boss My bloody pitch kept me late again.
Plates and Dishes Missus (Mrs) How's the plates getting on then? [Thanks to Alan Little]
Plates of Meat Feet Get your plates of the table.
Pleasure and Pain Rain Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming.
Pony and Trap Crap 'Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]. Or, another usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate!
Pope in Rome Home Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.
Pork Pies Lies Blimey- he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies.
Pot and Pan Old Man (Father) I was talking to me old pot just yesterday. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Potatoes in the mould Cold Cor, taters out there init? [Thanks to Ossie Mair]
Rabbit and Pork Talk He's always rabbitting on about something.
Raspberry Ripple Nipple Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts! [Can also mean cripple. Thanks to Dave Brown]
Raspberry Tart Fart He blew a raspberry. [Thanks to Tobias Bard]
Ravi Shankar Wanker That referee is a right Ravi [Thanks to Justin Ellis]
Read and Write Fight He'd rather read than walk away.
Rhythm and Blues Shoes Get your rhythm and blues on [Thanks to Jack Summers]
Richard the Third vBird Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!
Richard the Third Turd (shit) He's a bit of a Richard. [Thanks to Ray Davis.]
Rick Whitter Shitter (toilet or rectum) Back in a sec - I'm off to the rick [Rick Whitter is a singer in the group Shed7 - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
Rink-a-dink Chink (Chinese) We're going to get rinky take-away. [Thanks to Sparky James]
Robin Hood Good That sounds like it's robin [Thanks to Alan Little]
Rock and Roll Dole (welfare) 'e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll. [Thanks to Mark Moule]
Rockford Files Piles (hemorrhoids) Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! [Jim Rockford was the central character in the TV show The Rockford Files. Thanks to Paul Darbyshire]
Rosy Lea Tea I've just put the rosy on.
Round the Houses Trousers 'e's got hisself a new set of round the houses [Thanks to Christopher Webb]
Rub a Dub Sub (pay advance) Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day. [Thanks to Ray Davis]
Rub-a-dub-dub Pub I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub.
Ruby Murray Curry I'm going for a ruby. [Thanks to Mark Pearson][Ruby Murray was a singer in Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info]
Salmon and Trout Snout (cigarette) 'Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] [If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it][ [Martin McKerrell has written that Snout comes from snout rag meaning handkerchief (I'm thinking snot rag - JA) so Snout Rag = Fag = cigarrette] - See "ins and outs"
Salmon and Trout Stout (beer) Stop by and have a salmon.
 Sausage and Mash Cash   I haven't got a sausage. [A little bit different, but fairly common in many English speaking countries].
 Sausage and Mash  Crash  He was in a fearsome sausage.
 Sausage Roll Dole (welfare)   He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
 Scapa Flow Go Scapa!    [Actually pronounced 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone]
 Scotch Mist Pissed (drunk)   'e was completely scotch mist last night. [Thanks to Alan Little. Thanks to Marie Gordon for the example of usage.]
 Scotch Pegs Legs   Sit down and take a load off your pegs. [For whatever reason, the common usage is the rhyming word rather than the first]
 Septic Tank Yank   He's not very bright... septic, you know. [Thanks to Peter Langdale for this one]
 Sexton Blake Cake   'ow about a nice slice of sexton? [Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in comic book stories (?) - thanks to Christopher Webb]
 Sexton Blake Fake    He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton [Thanks to Martyn Tracy. See also 'Sexton Blake->cake']
 Shake and Shiver River    He jumped right into the shake [Thanks to Alan Little]
 Sherbet Dab  Cab (taxi)   'e's been on the sherbert for five years (driving a cab). [Thanks to John Butt]
Sherman Tank Wank (masturbate) e's a right sherman [Thanks to David Hughes]
Shovel and Pick Nick (prison) He's spending a bit of time in the shovel. [Thanks to John Butt]
Sieg Heils Piles (hemorrhoids) I'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up today.
Skin and Blister Sister She may be his blister but she's nothing like him.
Sky Rocket Pocket I've got nothing in my skies.
Slay 'em in the aisles Piles (hemorrhoids) Me slay 'ems are playing me up. [Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
Sorry and Sad Bad That dinner was a bit sorry.
Sprarsy Anna Tanner (sixpence) Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags (cigarettes) [Thanks to Mike Smith - he wonders if Sprarsy might have something to do with the old Indian coin called an "anna". If you have any more info please let me know]
St. Martins-Le-Grand Hand I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago [Thanks to Alan Little]
Stammer and Stutter Butter Extra stammer for me.
Stand at Ease Cheese Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. [For whatever reason this one is backwards - the only rule is that there are no rules!].
Steffi Graf Laugh You're having a Steffi [Thanks to Peter Grewal]
Stoke on Trent Bent (criminal) 'e's stoke he is. [Thanks to Alan Little]
Sweaty Sock Jock (Scot) There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat... [This term is usually derogatory. Thanks to Dave Brown]
Sweeney Todd Flying Squad Here comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police]
Syrup of Figs Wig What a syrup. [Thanks to Mark Pearson]
Tea Leaf Thief He's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the fully slang expression is used]
Teapot Lid Quid I'm down a teapot already.
Teapot Lids Kids I'm taking my little teapot to country.
Ted Ray Gay He's a bit Ted. [Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a character called Jack Gay.
Thr'penny Bit Tits (breasts) Look at the Thr'penny's on her. [Thank to David Carruthers]
Tiddley Wink Drink Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.
Tin Lids Kids I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Tit for Tat Hat Lovely titfer. [This one uses the first two words - probably because saying "lovely tit" proved awkward]
Todd Sloan Alone Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight. [Thanks to Jeff McCartney. - Frank Baynham reports that Todd Sloan was a famous jockey (I've found listing for him at the Wikiup ranch in Northern California) who had a tendency to run at the front of the pack... all alone.]




Toe-Rag
 
Fag (cigarette) Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags [Thanks to Mike Smith. Mike says he thinks toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they didn't have shoes… we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag = queer).] [Martin McKerrell adds that toe rag referred to a small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents".] [Gillian adds "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer to travelling people."
Tom and Dick Sick He's feeling a bit Tom. [There is also an expression "Feeling a bit dicky" as in not quite right that comes from this slang]
Tom Foolery Jewellery That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom. [Thank the Peter Cotterell]
Tom Thumb Rum A wee bit of Tom and I'm off.
Tom Tit Shit I'm going for a Tom Tit. [Thanks to David Carruthers.]
Tommy Tank Bank I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. [See also Wank - thanks to Christopher Webb]
Tommy Tank Wank (masturbate) She's probably at home doing a tommy. [Thanks to Barbara Wilson]
Tommy Tucker Supper You can sing for your Tommy.
Trouble and Strife Wife I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.
Turkish Bath Laugh He's havin' a turkish. [Thanks to Chris Baylis]
Twist and Twirl Girl She looks like a nice twist [Thanks to Alan Little]
Two and Eight State (anguish) He's in a two and eight over it. [Usually the full slang expression is used]
Uncle Bert Shirt I've got to press my uncle.
Uncle Dick Sick I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick [Thanks to Chris Keeley]
Uncle Fred Bread Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?
Uncle Ted Bed I'm off to Uncle Ted.
Vera Lynn Gin I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad. [Thanks to Mark Hamnett]
Vera Lynn Skin (cigarette paper) Got any vera's? [Thanks to Paul Cheese]
Wally Grout Shout (round) It's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of drinks). [Wally Grout was an Australian cricketer who died in 1968 - Thanks to Mark Redding]
Weasel and StoatI Coat left my weasel in the pub.
West End Thespian Lesbian She's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know. [Thanks to Richard English]
Westminster Abbey Shabby He's turned out a bit westminster today [Thanks to Sparky James]
Weston-Super-Mare Nightmare Went for an interview yesterday - it was a total Weston-Super [Weston Super Mare is the main coastal resort of North Somerset. Thanks to Christian Martinsen]
Whistle and Flute Suit He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.
Leo Sayer All Dayer (all day drinking session) Let's make it a Leo Sayer. [Thanks to Sean Gillespie who thoughtfully(?) provided a link for them what ain't familiar with Leo - http://www.wesjen.simplenet.com/sayer/leomenu.htm]
Jack Jones Alone He went to the pub all Jack. [This doubtless comes from a Music Hall song sung, somewhere between 1900 and 1914, by the Cockney songster Gus Elen entitled " 'E dunno where 'e are". Gus is buried in Streatham Park Cemetery, London. I believe he died about 1944. The song is about a bloke, Jack Jones, who comes into a sum of money and thinks himself too good for his former mates: "When he's up at Covint Gardin you can see 'im a standin' all alone, / Won't join in a quiet little Tommy Dodd (half-pint of beer), drinking Scotch and Soda on 'is own, / 'E 'as the cheek and impidence to call 'is muvver 'is Ma, / Since Jack Jones came into a little bit o' splosh, well 'e dunno where 'e are." - Thanks to Frank Haigh for the explanation of the source]
Alone Pat Malone I'm all pat tonight. [Thanks to Alan Little]    
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     




Alone Todd Sloan Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight. [Thanks to Jeff McCartney. - Frank Baynham reports that Todd Sloan was a famous jockey (I've found listing for him at the Wikiup ranch in Northern California) who had a tendency to run at the front of the pack... all alone.]
Arm Chalk Farm He broke his chalk.
Army Daft and Barmy He was promoted in the daft. [Thanks to Alan Little]
Army Kate Karney He's off and joined the Kate.
Arse Aristotle=Bottle=Bottle and Glass=Arse; therefore, Aris=Arse I gave him a good kick up the Aris [Thanks to Ray Davis.] See also bottle.
Arse Bottle and Glass I gave him a good kick up the bottle.
Arse Khyber Pass Stick it up your khyber.
Arsehole Jam Roll That geezer is a right jam roll. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]
Aunt Mrs. Chant He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas [Thanks to Alan Little]
Bad Sorry and Sad That dinner was a bit sorry.
Balls (testicles) Cobbler's Awls Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! [Can also be used to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is."]
Balls (testicles) Niagara Falls I got him in his niagara [Thanks to Alan Little]
Balls (testicles) Orchestra Stalls He nearly got hit in the orchestra [Thanks to Alan Little]
Banana Gertie Gitana I like a gertie on my cereal [Possibly an old music hall star - Thanks to Christopher Webb]
Bank Cab Rank I won't be long - just going to the cab rank [Thanks to Mike Smith]
Bank Iron Tank He lost his house to the iron.
Bank Tommy Tank I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. [See also Wank - thanks to Christopher Webb]
Bar (pub) Jack Tar I'm off to the Jack. [See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack jack, Jack"]
Bar (pub) Near and Far I saw him at the near.
Barrow Cock Sparrow He's wheeling his cock 'round the market.
Bed Uncle Ted I'm off to Uncle Ted.
Beer Pig's Ear Can I buy you a pig?
Beers Brittney Spears 'ow about a Brittney?" [Brittney Spears is a popular singer. Thanks to Ben Allen]
Beers (Stellas) Nelson Mandelas A couple of nelsons please [Thanks to Alan Little]
Believe Adam and Eve I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used]
Belly Auntie Nellie I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.
Belly Derby Kelly That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well [From old cockney song ABoiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby. Thanks to Christopher Webb]
Bender (homosexual) Leo Fender That blokes a bit leo after all. [The late Leo Fender was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar - thanks to Richard English]
Bent (criminal) Stoke on Trent 'e's stoke he is. [Thanks to Alan Little]
Bill (statement) Beecham's Pill I got my Beecham's from the tax people.
Bill (statement) Jack and Jill I'm going home - can I have my Jack? [See also Hill]
Bird Richard the Third Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!
Bitter Giggle and Titter 'ere. I could use a giggle. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Bitter (beer) Apple Fritter I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout - stout].
Boat Nanny Goat I took my nanny out on the river.
Boil Can of Oil 'e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up. [Thanks to Marie Gordon]
Boil Conan Doyle 'e's got a conan on his bottle the size of me fist! [Thanks to Marie Gordon]
Bollocks Jackson Pollock This modern art's a load of old Jacksons [Thanks to Justin Ellis. Pollock is a "20th Century strange artist".]
Book Captain Hook I've read this captain.
Book Fish Hook I've read the new fish by Deighton.
Boots Daisy Roots You can't go out in the rain without your daisies.
Boozer (liquor store) Battle Cruiser I've got to get to the battle before I go to the party [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Boss Pitch and Toss My bloody pitch kept me late again.
Bottle Aristotle If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. [Every now and again they throw a curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might have assumed the name was Harry Stottle!]
Braces Airs and Graces He's got his new airs on.
Brandy Fine and Dandy A small drop of fine would suit me.
Bread Uncle Fred Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?
Broke (financial) Hearts of Oak I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.
Brother Manhole Cover My manhole cover is coming for a visit. [How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!]
Brother One and t'other 'ere's me one and t'other now. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Bum Kingdom Come He just sat on his kingdom all day [Thanks to Alan Little]
Burst (urinate) Geoff Hurst I'm dying for a Geoff. [Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven into the fabric of football folklore. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
Butter Stammer and Stutter Extra stammer for me.
Cab (taxi) Sherbet Dab 'e's been on the sherbert for five years (driving a cab). [Thanks to John Butt]
Cake Sexton Blake 'ow about a nice slice of sexton? [Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in comic book stories (?) - thanks to Christopher Webb]
Candle Harry Randall Look at all the Harry's on his cake.
Car Jam Jar Bloody jam is down again.
Car Kareem Abdul Jabbar Bloody kareem is down again. [Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know! Thanks to Richard English]
Cash Sausage and Mash I haven't got a sausage. [A little bit different, but fairly common in many English speaking countries].
Cell Flowery Dell I've got three more years in this flower.
Chair Lion's Lair Have a lion's while you wait.
Chalk Duke of York All I got for my birthday is a bit of duke.
Chancer (someone not qualified) Bengal Lancer News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen. [Thanks to Ray Davis]
Cheese Stand at Ease Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. [For whatever reason this one is backwards - the only rule is that there are no rules!].
Cheque Goose's Neck He stuck me with a bouncing goose.
Cheque Gregory Peck I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] or, [another example from Kevin McKerrell] - I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory.
Chest Bird's Nest I had to punch him in the bird's nest. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]
Chink (Chinese) Rink-a-dink We're going to get rinky take-away. [Thanks to Sparky James]
Chips Jockey Whips I'll have a large plate of jockey's [Thanks to Paul Aylett]
Cigar La-di-da I enjoy a good la-di-da after me meal [Thanks to Sparky James]
Clink (jail) Kitchen Sink After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]
Clock Dickory Dock What's the time on the dickory?

Clue Danny LaRue He ain't got a danny. [Thanks to Charly Large]
Coat Nanny Goat Put your nannies on - it's taters out. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Coat Weasel and Stoat I left my weasel in the pub.

Cold Potatoes in the mould Cor, taters out there init? [Thanks to Ossie Mair]
Cook Babbling Brook My missus couldn't babble to save her life. [See also Crook]
Copper (police) Grasshopper He got nabbed by the grasshoppers.
Coppers (police) Bottles and Stoppers Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me!
Corner Johnnie Horner I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.
Crap Pony and Trap 'Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]. Or, another usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate! [Thanks to Jon Hughes]
Crash Sausage and Mash He was in a fearsome sausage.
Crime Lemon Lime Not one lemon reported all night [Thanks to Alan Little]
Cripple Raspberry Ripple The old boy's a raspberry [Thanks to Sparky James]
Crook Babbling Brook He's always on the babble. [Meaning he's always planning something crooked. See also Cook].
Cupboard Mother Hubbard There's nothing in the mother.
Curry Ruby Murray I'm going for a ruby. [Thanks to Mark Pearson][Ruby Murray was a singer in Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info]
Darlin' Briney Marlin You look lovely tonight, me old briney.
Daughter Bricks and Mortar I'm taking me bricks and mortar shopping. [Thanks to Geoff and Niki Sams]
Dead Brown Bread I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Deaf Mutt and Jeff Poor buggers mutt and jeff. [Usually full slang expression is used. Keith Turner reports that very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton".]
Dinner Jim Skinner Is my Jim ready yet?
Doddle (easy or straight forward) Glenn Hoddle That jobs a Glen Hoddle. [Glenn Hoddle is the coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables. Thanks to Dave Brown]
Dog Cherry Hogg My bloody cherry is off again.
Dole (welfare) Rock and Roll 'e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll. [Thanks to Mark Moule]
Dole (welfare) Sausage Roll He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Dollar Oxford Scholar Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. [Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown - thanks to Jim Williams]
Door Henry Moore They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two [Thanks to Alan Little]
Drink Tiddley Wink Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.
Drunk Elephant's Trunk He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.
Dump (shit) Donald Trump I've got to go for a donald [Thanks to Peter Conway]
Dump (shit) Forrest Gump "Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first". [Thanks to Richard English]
Engineer Ginger Beer He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.
Eyes Mince Pies She got beatiful minces.
Face Boat Race Nice legs, shame about the boat. [Also a good song by The Monks]
Face Chevy Chase You can wipe that smile off your Chevy Chase [Thanks to Paul Beer]
Facts Brass Tacks 'Ere, you've got your brass wrong! [Thanks to Alan Little]
Fag (cigarette) Harry Wragg Have you got a harry? [Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a famous jockey]
Fag (cigarette) Oily Rag Give us an oily. [Thanks to David Hughes]
Fag (cigarette) Toe-Rag Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags [Thanks to Mike Smith. Mike says he thinks toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they didn't have shoes… we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag = queer).] [Martin McKerrell adds that toe rag referred to a small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents".] [Gillian adds "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer to travelling people."
Fake Sexton Blake He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton [Thanks to Martyn Tracy. See also 'Sexton Blake->cake']

Fart Horse and Cart Have you just horse & carted? [Thanks to Paul Beer]
Fart Raspberry Tart He blew a raspberry. [Thanks to Tobias Bard]
Favour Cheesy Quaver Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site. [Thanks to Ed Wright - for The Adventures of Cheesy Quaver you can visit http://www.largesalad.co.uk]
Feel Orange Peel I fancy an orange of her Bristols! [Thanks to Chris Webb)
Feet Plates of Meat Get your plates of the table.
Fight Read and Write He'd rather read than walk away.
Fine Calvin Klein I'm calvin today. [Thanks to Tony Alderton]
Fish Lilian Gish Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.
Fist Oliver Twist Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.
Fiver (,5 note) Lady Godiva Ere, that bloke still owes me lady! [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Flares (wide bottom trousers) Lionel Blaire Got on his best lionels for the evening. [Lionel Blaire is a performer. Thanks to Jeremy Holmes]
Flash (natty) Harry Dash 'e was alway a bit of an 'arry [Thanks to Sparky James]
Flowers April Showers I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home.
Flying Squad Sweeney Todd Here comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police]
Gay Ted Ray He's a bit Ted. [Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a character called Jack Gay. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
Gay (homosexual) Bale of Hay Don't bother Britany - he's bale. [Thanks to Uncle Custard who also provided the example of usage… just who do you suppose Britany is?]
Gin Mother's Ruin Another mothers would sit well.
Gin Needle and Pin I'll have a small needle and tonic.
Gin Vera Lynn I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad. [Thanks to Mark Hamnett]
Girl Twist and Twirl She looks like a nice twist [Thanks to Alan Little]
Go Scapa Flow Scapa! [Actually pronounced 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone]
Good Robin Hood That sounds like it's robin [Thanks to Alan Little]
Gravy Army and Navy Can I have some army for my mashed?
Greek Bubble and Squeak 'E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. [Bubble and squeak is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel sprouts work well)]
Greek Bubble and Squeak He's a bubble. [Thanks to Mark Pearson]
Guts (stomach) Newington Butts My newingtons are giving me some gyp today. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell - Newington Butts is in an area of London (SE1?) commonly known as The Elephant and Castle]
Gutter Bread and Butter Found him laying in the bread and butter. [Usually full slang expression is used]
Hair Barnet Fair She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.
Hair Bonney Fair She's got beautiful shiny bonney.
Half Inch Pinch (steal) Someone's half-inched me pint! [Thanks to Mark Schofield]
Hand St. Martins-Le-Grand I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago [Thanks to Alan Little]
Hands German Bands Get your germans off my missus.
Hat Tit for Tat Lovely titfer. [This one uses the first two words - probably because saying "lovely tit" proved awkward]
Head Crust of Bread Use your crust mate.
Head Loaf of Bread Don't just stand there - use your loaf.
Head (fellatio) Blood Red She likes to give blood. [Thanks to Kirk Whitworth]
Hell Gypsy Nell My knee is giving me gyp today. [Thanks to Chris Webb]
Hemorrhoids Emma Freuds Me Emma's are playing me up. [Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1 - Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
Hill Jack and Jill The store is up the jack. [See also Bill]
Hole Drum Roll Let's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house). [Thanks to Dave Hughes]
Home Pope in Rome Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.
Hot Peas in a Pot Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.
House Cat and Mouse Went 'round to his cat to wake him up.
House Mickey Mouse I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. [Usually means a theatre rather than a residence]
Jail Bucket and Pail One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket.
Jail Ginger Ale 'e's doing time in the ginger. [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]
Jew Five to Two If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.
Jew Four by Two He's not from around here - he's a four.
Jewellery Tom Foolery That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom. [Thank the Peter Cotterell]
Job Corn on the Cob 'e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn [Thanks to Mike Smith]
Jock (Scot) Sweaty Sock There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat... [This term is usually derogatory. Thanks to Dave Brown]
Judge Barnaby Rudge I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.
Keys Knobbly Knees Have you got your knobblies with you? [Thanks to Beeman]
Kids Dustbin Lids A nice girl but too many dustbin's.
Kids God Forbids Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.
Kids Saucepan Lids I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Kids Teapot Lids I'm taking my little teapot to country.
Kids Tin Lids I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Knackered (tired) Cream Crackered I'm cream crackered, mate. [Thanks to David Carruthers]
Knees Biscuits and Cheese I've been on my biscuits all day.
Knickers Alan Whickers The 'lastics gone in me alans. [Alan Whicker used to host a TV programme called Whickers World - Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Kraut (German) Rainbow Trout Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night! [Thanks to Alex Gordon]
Later Baked Potato I'll see ya baked. [Thanks to Eric Van Zanten]
Laugh Bubble Bath You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? [Thanks to Neil Churchard]
Laugh Giraffe You're havin' a giraffe, mate. [Thanks to Ed Balch]
Laugh Steffi Graf You're having a Steffi [Thanks to Peter Grewal]
Laugh Turkish Bath He's havin' a turkish. [Thanks to Chris Baylis]
Legs Bacon and Eggs Lovely set of bacons.
Legs Scotch Pegs Sit down and take a load off your pegs. [For whatever reason, the common usage is the rhyming word rather than the first]
Lesbian West End Thespian She's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know. [Thanks to Richard English]
Lies Pork Pies Blimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies.
Liver Cheerful Giver Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight. [Mike King has written to say that he that the slang for liver comes from "The Lord loves a cheerful giver", which was then shortened to Lord... Lovely - we're have the Lord for dinner tonight.]
Lodger Artful Dodger She's taken in an artful to help pay the way.
Look Butcher's Hook Here - take a butcher's at this.
Lot (Serving or share) Hopping Pot That's your hopping mate. [Meaning, that's all you get. Thanks to James Vosper who says that this may have originated with Londoners who traveled to Kent and other districts to gather hops for beer]
Luck Donald Duck How's your Donald? [Thanks to Charly Large]
Luck Friar Tuck 'E always had a bit of friar tuck. [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]
Mad Mum and Dad He's a bit mum and dad. [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]
Married Cash and Carried Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend.
Matches Cuts and Scratches Do you have any cuts?
Mate China Plate How are you, my old china?
Mental Radio Rental He's a bit radio [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]
Mind Chinese Blind You're out of you little chinese mate. [Thanks to Danny O'Sullivan]
Miss Cuddle and Kiss She's a cute little cuddle.
Missus (Mrs) Love and Kisses Where did your love and kisses go? [Thanks to Alan Little]
Missus (Mrs) Plates and Dishes How's the plates getting on then? [Thanks to Alan Little]
Money Bees and Honey Can't go in there without any bees.
Money Bread and Honey Let's drink with him - he's got bread. [This one has enjoyed very common usage]
Money Bugs Bunny I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub. [Thanks to Nigel Ritson]
Mouth North and South I gave him a punch up the north.
Neck Bushel and Peck He's got a bushel like tree trunk.
Nick (prison) Shovel and Pick He's spending a bit of time in the shovel. [Thanks to John Butt]
Nightmare Weston-Super-Mare Went for an interview yesterday - it was a total Weston-Super [Weston Super Mare is the main coastal resort of North Somerset. Thanks to Christian Martinsen]
Nipple Raspberry Ripple Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts! [Can also mean cripple. Thanks to Dave Brown]
Noise Box of Toys Hold your box - they can hear you miles away!
Nose I Suppose That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.
Nose Irish Rose She gave me a kiss on my Irish.
Nun Current Bun My meanest teachers were currents [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]
Old Man (Father) Pot and Pan I was talking to me old pot just yesterday. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Out of Order Bang Allan Border He's Bang Allan [used when someone does something to another person that is not looked upon favourably. Bang Allan Border was the Australian cricket captain in the late 80's/early 90's so we now have our first example of international rhyming slang. Thanks to Anthony J. Houlahan for this]
Pakistani Bacon Sarnie They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon [Thanks to Nathaniel Espino. Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (and if you haven't eaten a cold bacon sandwich you haven't lived. Nathaniel notes that this expression may be considered offensive]
Paper (newspaper) Linen Draper Has the morning linen come yet?
Park Noah's Ark I'm taking my misses to the Noah.
Phone Dog and Bone She's always on the dog.
Piano Joanna He sparkles on the joanna. [Just to confuse you, they mispronounce the word you're trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it a 'piana']
Piddle (urinate) Jimmy Riddle I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy.
Piles (hemorrhoids) Chalfont St Giles Me chalfonts are playing up. [Thanks to Paul Costello]
Piles (hemorrhoids) Farmer Giles Blimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers [Thanks to David Hughes]
Piles (hemorrhoids) Nobby Stiles Me nobbies are acting up again [Nobby Stiles was a great footballer from years gone by - Thanks to David Hughes]
Piles (hemorrhoids) Rockford Files Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! [Jim Rockford was the central character in the TV show The Rockford Files. Thanks to Paul Darbyshire]
Piles (hemorrhoids) Sieg Heils I'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up today.
Piles (hemorrhoids) Slay 'em in the aisles Me slay 'ems are playing me up. [Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
Pill (birth control) Jack and Jill She's on the Jack [Thanks to Justyn Olby]
Piss Arthur Bliss I'm just popping out for an Arthur [Arthur Bliss was a famous English composer (1891-1975). Thanks to Robert Harper]
Piss Gypsy's Kiss Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's.
Piss Hit and Miss I've got to have a hit before we go out.
Pissed (drunk) Brahms and Liszt He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink. [Thanks to Ray Davis]
Pissed (drunk) Oliver Twist I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Pissed (drunk) Scotch Mist 'e was completely scotch mist last night. [Thanks to Alan Little. Thanks to Marie Gordon for the example of usage.]
Pocket Lucy Locket Keep it in your Lucy.
Pocket Sky Rocket I've got nothing in my skies.
Poof (homosexual) Iron Hoof He's a bit of an iron.
Prick Hampton Wick He gets on my wick. [Don't even try to understand this one - just accept it]
Prison Boom and Mizzen 'e's off to the boom for a bit. [Thanks to Mike Shepherd]
Pub Nuclear Sub I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock [Thanks to Robert Lynch]
Pub Rub-a-dub-dub I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub.
Puff (marijuana) Mickey Duff Here, mate. Got any Mickey? [Thanks to Nortsqaf2]
Queer Ginger Beer I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger.
Queer (gay) King Lear e's a bit King Lear. [Thanks to Leslie Munday]
Quid Teapot Lid I'm down a teapot already.
Rain Pleasure and Pain Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming.
Readies (pound notes) Nelson Eddy's 'e's got a pile of nelsons! [Thanks to Julia Jones]
Rent Burton on Trent They've raised my burton again.
Rent Duke of Kent I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week [Thanks to Mike Smith]
River Shake and Shiver He jumped right into the shake [Thanks to Alan Little]
Road Frog and Toad Don't ride your bike on the frog. [See Road => Kermit]
Road Kermit 'e took off down the kermit. [From Kermit the Frog => frog and toad => road. Thanks to Gavin Wallace]
Row (argument) Barn Owl Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell][[Not satisfied with the slang, the word is extended to 'Barney' to thoroughly confuse everyone]
Row (argument) Bull and Cow Had a right bull with my misses last night.
Rum Tom Thumb A wee bit of Tom and I'm off.
Saloon Bar Balloon Car I'll be at the balloon.
Scotch Pimple and Botch He enjoys a good pimple.
Scotch (Whisky) Gold Watch 'E enjoys his gold watch [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]
Scouts Brussel Sprouts He's always been a brussel.
Shabby Westminster Abbey He's turned out a bit westminster today [Thanks to Sparky James]
Shave Chas and Dave I'm off for a chas [Thanks to Conor Keeling]
Shave Dig in the Grave A quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go.
Shirt Dicky Dirt Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here.
Shirt Uncle Bert I've got to press my uncle.
Shit Eartha Kitt I'm going for an Eartha [See also 'Tit' - Thanks to Peter Cotterell for this variation]
Shit Tom Tit I'm going for a Tom Tit. [Thanks to David Carruthers.]
Shitter (rectum) Council Gritter When I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right up the council gritter! [Thanks to Uncle Custard. He reports that a council gritter is the machine that comes around and puts grit on icy roads]
Shitter (rectum) Gary Glitter He kicked him right up the Gary [Thanks to Neil Churchard]
Shitter (toilet or rectum) Rick Whitter Back in a sec - I'm off to the rick [Rick Whitter is a singer in the group Shed7 - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
Shocker Constantino Rocca Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete Constantino [Constantino Rocca is an Italian golfer - thanks to Christian Martinsen]
Shoes Rhythm and Blues Get your rhythm and blues on [Thanks to Jack Summers]
Shout (round) Wally Grout It's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of drinks). [Wally Grout was an Australian cricketer who died in 1968 - Thanks to Mark Redding]
Sick Tom and Dick He's feeling a bit Tom. [There is also an expression "Feeling a bit dicky" as in not quite right that comes from this slang]
Sick Uncle Dick I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick [Thanks to Chris Keeley]
Silly Daffy Down Dilly 'e's a bit daffy. [Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from Madam Alexander. Thanks to Peter Bendall]
Silly Piccadilly I've always said he was piccadilly [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Sister Skin and Blister She may be his blister but she's nothing like him.
Skin (cigarette paper) Vera Lynn Got any vera's? [Thanks to Paul Cheese]
Skint (broke) Borassic Lint He's right boric. [Thanks to Peter Langdale who's a chemist in the UK for correcting this one]
Sleep Bo-Peep What I need is a good bo-peep. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Sneeze Bread and Cheese I hate allergies - one good bread after another.
Snout (cigarette) Salmon and Trout 'Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] [If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it][ [Martin McKerrell has written that Snout comes from snout rag meaning handkerchief (I'm thinking snot rag - JA) so Snout Rag = Fag = cigarrette] - See "ins and outs"
Snouts (Cigarettes) Ins and Outs 'ere mate, got any ins and outs? [Thanks to James Hotston] (See Salmon and Trout)
Soap Cape of Good Hope Go wash yourself - and use the cape.
Soap Faith and Hope Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands [Thanks to Mike Smith]
Socks Almond Rocks Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched?
Son Currant Bun He's awfully proud of his currant.
Song Ding Dong Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong. [Usually the full slang expression is used]
Soup Loop de Loop Nothing like a good loop on a cold day.
Spanner (wrench) Elsie Tanner Can I borrow your elsie [Thanks to Alan Little]
Sparrow Bow and Arrow Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. [Usually the full slang expression is used]
Spot (acne) Randolph Scott I've got a great big randolph on my chin [Thanks to Matt Stammers]
Spouse Boiler House Me boiler's always yammerin' on. [Thanks to John Butt]
Stairs Apples and Pears Get yourself up the apples and pears.
Starved Pear Halved "Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear." [Thanks to Richard English]
Starvin' Hank Marvin I'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day [Hank Marvin was the guitarist for The Shadows from the 1960's to the 1990's. Thanks to Neil Churchard]
Starvin' Lee Marvin I'm Lee Marvin [Thanks to Peter Conway who wrote all the way from Dubai - he adds that if you're really hungry you could say, "I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank Marvin). And no - they're not related.]
State (anguish) Two and Eight He's in a two and eight over it. [Usually the full slang expression is used]
Steak and Kidney Kate and Sydney A lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming slang - more a matter of getting your mords wixed up]
Stink Pen and Ink That's a bit of a pen and ink.
Stout (beer) Salmon and Trout Stop by and have a salmon.
Stray Gamma Ray That Mary's a bit of a gamma [Thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
Street Field of Wheat He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus.
Sub (pay advance) Rub a Dub Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day. [Thanks to Ray Davis]
Suit Whistle and Flute He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.
Sun Current Bun Old current bun's out today [Thanks to Ray Davis.]
Supper Tommy Tucker You can sing for your Tommy.
Table Cain and Abel Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper).
Tail Alderman's Nail He's always wagging his alderman's.
Talk Rabbit and Pork He's always rabbitting on about something.
Tanner (sixpence) Sprarsy Anna Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags (cigarettes) [Thanks to Mike Smith - he wonders if Sprarsy might have something to do with the old Indian coin called an "anna". If you have any more info please let me know]
Tea Rosy Lea I've just put the rosy on.
Teeth Hampstead Heath His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime.
Telly (TV) Custard and Jelly As usual, nothing on the custard tonight.
Ten Cock and Hen I didn't get much change back from a cock [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Tenner (10 pound note) Aryton Senna 'ere, lend us an aryton me old china [Aryton Senna was a Formula One driver - thanks to Tom Harvey]
Tenner (10 pound note) Louise Wener 'ere, lend us a louise. [Louise Wener is a singer with the band Sleeper - thanks to Richard English]
Thief Tea Leaf He's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the fully slang expression is used]
Ticket Bat and Wicket I've got a bat for tonight's train.
Tie Peckham Rye I'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Till (Cash register) Jack & Jill 'E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]
Time Bird Lime What's the bird?
Tits (breasts) Brace and Bits Blimey - what a brace!
Tits (breasts) Brad Pitts Nice pair of brads [Thanks to Justyn Olby]
Tits (breasts) Eartha Kitts Nice Eartha's [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brink]
Tits (breasts) Thr'penny Bit Look at the Thr'penny's on her. [Thank to David Carruthers]
Titties (breasts) Bristol Cities She's got a lovely pair of Bristols.
Toast Holy Ghost How about another round of 'oly. [Thanks to Jack Summers]
Toss Kate Moss I couldn't give a Kate Moss. [Thanks to Alex Marsh]
Trainers (running shoes) Claire Rayners I've got me new Claire Rayners on [Thanks to John Tsang - Claire Rayner is an author]
Trouble Barney Rubble (Flintstones) Stay away from him. He's really Barney.
Trousers Round the Houses 'e's got hisself a new set of round the houses [Thanks to Christopher Webb]
Turd (shit) Richard the Third He's a bit of a Richard. [Thanks to Ray Davis.]
Umbrella Auntie Ella Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella.
Wages Greengages I've blown the greengages down at the dogs [Thanks to Mike Smith - for them what aren't familiar with greengages, you can see a lovely picture of them here]
Walk Ball of Chalk After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square.
Wank (masturbate) Barclays Bank He's having a barclays. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Wank (masturbate) J. Arthur Rank 'e's off having a J. Arthur [Thanks to Mike Dowding and Sparky James]
Wank (masturbate) Peddle and Crank I'm off for a peddle! [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]
Wank (masturbate) Sherman Tank e's a right sherman [Thanks to David Hughes]
Wank (masturbate) Tommy Tank She's probably at home doing a tommy. [Thanks to Barbara Wilson]
Wanker Merchant Banker He's a right merchant [Thanks to Justyn Olby]
Wanker Ravi Shankar That referee is a right Ravi [Thanks to Justin Ellis]
Watch (fob watch) Kettle and Hob That's a lovely kettle [Thanks to Mark Sparrow]
Whisky Gay and Frisky I'll have a gay and I'm off. [Be careful where you use this]
Wife Duchess of Fife Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight?
Wife Trouble and Strife I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.
Wig Syrup of Figs What a syrup. [Thanks to Mark Pearson]
Window Burnt Cinder Close the bloody burnt [This works if you mispronounce window... winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would. Thanks to Sparky James]
Windy Mork and Mindy Cor, it's bloody mork today [shows you that the slang is constantly evolving - thanks to Alan Little]
Word Dicky Bird He left without so much as a dicky.
Wrong Pete Tong It's all gone a bit Pete [Pete Tong is an English DJ - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
Yank Septic Tank He's not very bright... septic, you know. [Thanks to Peter Langdale for this one]
Years Donkey's Ears Ain't seen you in donkeys mate. [Thanks to Ossie Mair]
Yid (Jew) Front Wheel Skid He's a front wheel. [Thanks to Mark Pearson]


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