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C

"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
- Al Capone

"Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered."
- Al Capp

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
- George Carlin

"Teach a parrot the terms "supply and demand" and you've got an economist."
- Thomas Carlyle

"A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary."
- Thomas Carruthers

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."
- Johnny Carson

"Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock."
- Wynn Catlin

"Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall."
- David Chambless

"Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
- Anton Chekhov

"Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive."
- G. K. Chesterton

"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people."
- G. K. Chesterton

"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."
- G. K. Chesterton

"A dollar saved is a quarter earned."
- John Ciardi

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
- Rich Cook

"Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents."
- Billiam Coronel

"Drive in banks were established so most of the cars today can see their real owners."
- E. Joseph Cossman

"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget is once."
- E. Joseph Cossman

"There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry"
- George Armstrong Custer