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D

"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."
- Clarence Darrow
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
- Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles, 1962
"Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop."
- Definitions, Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
- Ellen DeGeneres
"Tear open packet, unfold and use."
- Directions on moist towelette package
"This compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise reduction. Half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on the floor. Digital technology will now faithfully reproduce these noisy, low-fi, un-professional masters at great expense. feel stupid yet?"
- Disclaimer on a CD
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."
- Benjamin Disraeli
"Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
- Ken Dodd
"I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest."
- Alexandre Dumas pere
"Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences."
- Isadora Duncan
"Trust everybody, but cut the cards."
- Finley Peter Dunne


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E

"Never judge a book by it's movie."
- J.W. Eagen
"That's the nature of research-you don't know what in hell you're doing."
- 'Doc' Edgerton
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by are eighteen."
- Albert Einstein
"It is easier to denature plutonium than denature the evil spirit of Man"
- Albert Einstein
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."
- Albert Einstein
"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?"
- Albert Einstein
"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein
"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."
- Albert Einstein
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
- Albert Einstein
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein
"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
- Albert Einstein
"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
- T. S. Eliot
"The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity."
- Harlan Ellison
"Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.'
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
- English Professor, Ohio University
"Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at."
"You can pay attention to the fact, in which case you'll probably become a mathematician, or you can ignore it, in which case you'll probably become a physicist."
- Len Evans, professor, Northwestern University, teaching an honors calculus course


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F

"I think, therefore I'm single."
- Female philosopher
"We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea at first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work."
- Richard Feynman
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
- W.C. Fields
"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."
- Malcolm S. Forbes
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
- Henry Ford
"One of the greatest labor saving inventions of today is tomorrow."
- Vincent T. Foss
"Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned."
- Milton Friedman
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
- Robert Frost
"A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel."
- Robert Frost